Old Soul

There have been many times that I have been called an “Old Soul”. It felt validating. It helped me understand why I found myself between two generations, always feeling out of place. The beautiful part of this experience is the ability to blend in with many, offering wisdom, understanding and empathy to others. However, what comes with this is the difficulty in having deep and meaningful connections. Sure, old souls can get along with many, having both surface and philosophical conversations; but it doesn’t seem to go further than that. Then you search online and read articles on old souls seeking love and placement in the world, and well, they are rather depressing. Articles repeatedly explaining how hard it is for old souls to find deep love. Well, WTF do I do with that information?

My experience as an old soul has taught me something beautiful, things that others might not give attention to. I experience the world differently, I see beyond what is present, I practice attentiveness to the smallest of details, experiencing a sensual engagement of all the senses. At times when I experience the world, an emotion flows through me, it's almost as if I cannot contain what is inside, feeling as though I can burst into flames, be absorbed by the sun, pulled by the moon, or liquefy in a body of water. As though this physical body of mine is a container for the large energy I feel, keeping me from fully absorbing into my surroundings. My body is both a mental and emotional obstacle in the way of true freedom and expression. And all I can do is express it to the best of my human ability, and then tuck it away in a warm space within me on this physical plane. It is a beautiful experience, at times overwhelming, its sensual, sexual, and even ancestral.

But let’s continue with the path of finding deep and loving connections. How do we find love when constantly being in a liminal space, between worlds, between generations? We are full of depth, profound perception, and independence that can't be shaken, even if we tried. We are often embraced by others, but once in their arms, the insecurity of the other being begins. Some are intimidated, oftentimes leaving, or attempting to keep us for their own benefit, or attempting to tame us trying to make us small to fit in their box. But no matter the situation, us old souls always seem to find a way out, freeing ourselves from the box.

I can say that I am a strong woman, but introverted. Despite this, I have an immense energy that lingers in the air, especially when I am at the seat of my inner throne. Even sitting in silence somehow, I seem to leave an impression or general curiosity on others. Like I mentioned above, being an old soul makes blending in with all types of individuals easy and even the ability to offer wisdom to people of all ages. As amazing as this is, it also can feel like a heavy weight we carry. At this point in my life I have been able to understand that this comes with the gift of being an old soul.  

Before I understood this though, I thought it my responsibility to carry my own weight and the weight of future romantic relationships. As time went on, experiencing these relationships, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t settle for a bond where I carry all the weight. When I say weight, I am referring to my own obstacles, the offering of healing energy to others, and hiding sides of myself that I’m afraid to share, or that my partners at the time would not accept.

After living this and learning from it, I knew I needed a partner that would accept and acknowledge all of me. I am hoping that what I have learned can be something you, my old soul, can also learn from and take with you on this journey. These are some of the important factors I suggest you look for in your future or present partner:

Home

When I describe home, I am not referring to a physical space, I can make a space my home at any time. What I am referring to is home within a person. The weight that I mentioned can be a lot at times. And as a healer, I also need rest, not needing the pressure to be something for someone else, rather, when I come home to my partner, they’re my home. Where they go, I go. I can leave that heaviness at the door or given the space to decompress and shed that energy off, like undressing your clothes and leaving them at the door. I can emerge from that pile in any kind of energy or side that I desire and always know my partner acknowledges and accepts whatever shows up. Of course, I do my part to care and love my partner as they are as well, but to have that same energy met with yours, that’s a wonderful experience.

Does this sound like home for you? Do you have something different in mind? Take some time to ponder what home and full expression are for you. Define what home means for you.

Humor

Humor is part of my very existence, including dark humor. Dark humor for me is an important factor because it is a side of myself that I feel safe to express. The dark energy that comes with humor, with mystery, with stillness, etc. Not the kind of dark energy from things such as depression and life stressors. At times I can get bogged down by life stressors, thoughts, beliefs, etc. My partner is a great listener and holds space for me, but after, he is great at shifting the energy to humor. As an introvert, and with the heaviness that comes with an old soul, sometimes it's difficult to shift that energy myself. Another way to view this is that the other person is capable of being there for you, just as you are there for them.

Is humor important as part of your existence? Does their depth of humor match yours?

Holding Space

As mentioned above, holding space is an important factor to acknowledge as an old soul. We offer to others wisdom, a listening ear, empathy, comfort and so on. This is one of the gifts that naturally comes to us, but what about us receiving the same? In my past experiences, I have noticed that many individuals in romantic relationships and friendships, did not demonstrate this same space for me. However, when I do find it in a romantic relationship and/or friendship, it makes the load easier.

Old souls can make beautiful connections with many people. When I had entered relationships in the past, it seemed the longer the relationship, the heavier the load I carried for the both of us. To a point, it felt burdensome, stagnant, and at times brought on resentment. I realized that finding someone capable of holding space became a need and a non-negotiable when seeking romantic relationships and friendships.

Do you find yourself holding the weight of the relationship? Does this explanation speak to your truth?

Acceptance & Acknowledgement

I briefly touched on this in the Home paragraph. After being in relationships and friendships where I was expected to fit a mold of their desires and needs, It dawned on me that I couldn’t continue with this for the rest of my life. Being in a place of constant hiding, wearing masks, blending in, and so on; it did not feel good. The longer it went on, the more restless I felt, the more anger, sadness, and anxiety would arise, the realization that I couldn’t be myself. I wasn’t allowed to be who and what I am, to shapeshift in any form I wanted to be in. When I look back, I had to ‘be many things for other people.

I am weird, quirky, funny, quiet, strong, vulnerable, sensual, sultry, playful and competitive. I go from wearing colors, to neutrals to all black. Sporty, sexy, conservative, professional, tomboy, hobo, and so on. I am whatever I want to be and in whatever mood I am in. My partner sees all of me, sees all these sides, and doesn’t bat an eye about it. I am embraced in any form.  

Years ago in my adolescent years, I would sing my favorite songs alone in my room. I don’t remember when it became a thing, but I would sing for two of my male friends. For whatever reason I felt comfortable sharing my voice with them. I even remember them calling me just to hear a song and nothing more. As an adult, I never sang for anyone else. It was something I didn’t want to share, and I didn’t feel comfortable showing. After some thought, I saw this as a benchmark, if I can sing in front of my future partner and feel comfortable, that was a sign for me to be at home with this person.

Fast forward, I dated and never sang around any of them. Except for my current partner, who is my home.

Balance

Balance, or what I really mean is interdependence; when two humans have a mutual dependence on each other but are also independent on their own. I love to be loved, adored, needed, and hungered for. And I equally love to be alone, spending time doing something I enjoy, or engaging in separate events. It's the kind of independence that feels good. Knowing my partner is okay on their own, and vice versa. All these articles you see on old souls needing time for themselves, and the same for introverts is important to take into consideration. Taking the time alone should not be seen as selfish and unkind to your partner. It's important to have the balance of joining together and being able to detach without the risk of losing your identity, putting strain on the relationship, or fears of separation.

Do you see yourself seeking this kind of component in a partner and relationship?

To Conclude

I was not the young girl that dreamt of her wedding. I didn’t see myself being able to have depth in a romantic relationship. What I did dreamed about was being a dominant strong woman, a powerhouse, adored by others, and highly respected. I had planned on having a child through a trusted connection or scientific medical means. Many people did not understand this. Even if it takes years, I will always prefer to be in a union with someone who truly sees me. This is not to discourage you in finding love, but that it will be worth it to find what you truly deserve and not get stuck with a place holder.